I'm not sure when it happened. I´m not sure the moment that everything I have ever known fell into the opened gates of hell.
Perhaps as I drove across the city in a crazy taxi that was bobbing and weaving through two lane roads no larger than a lane and a half in the states at 60 miles an hour. Oh perhaps it was as we passed by the man guarding his tires with the largest shotgun I have ever seen. Or when I passed the truck packed with men with huge machine guns that looked like terrorists, only to find out they are the police. Maybe it was when I entered my house, tiny, smelly and a huge vat of water in the middle of the kitchen that we used for ever thing, cause we didn´t have running water. Or was it when I literally climbed up hundreds of stairs to reach my new area.
Possibly the second day when it rained harder on me then it ever has before in my entire life, drenching me to my very core in seconds, and later being told that it was actually a very light rain that night. It might have been as I waded, calf deep in overflowing sewage water across what was once a bridge to get back to my house that night. Maybe it happened as I have yet to teach a lesson to an investigating family that lives in a house (or shack) that is larger than my room back home. Maybe it's while I climb monstrous hills and mountains to get to our lessons, that when I arrive I'm so covered in sweat my shirt is nearly totally soaked through. Possibly my bus ride to this Internet cafe as we were stuffed into a bus so full I could barely stand as the bus battled its way through crazy traffic and drivers, and up hills steeper then I thought buses could even climb, let alone while being over capacity. However I know exactly the moment that it did happen.
During lessons I tend to get bored because I can't understand most of the language and I was starting to doze off because of the heat and exhaustion.
In an attempt to stay awake I started looking out the window at the pretty blue sky and huge white clouds. When I returned my gaze back to the family (a grandma like lady, a mom, her husband, and two small kids) I did the only thing I really could do during the lessons. I just smiled and tried to look happy and like I know what is going on. However I wasn´t getting a word. So I just looked at the grandma and smiled, and she gave me a huge smile back. But then I looked down... I looked down and to the greatest shock in my entire life her boob was hanging out of her shirt, and there was a child attached to it. I almost died and quickly averted my eyes. I started sweating even more (which is amazing because I didn't think I could sweat anymore) and I averted my gaze to the other half of the room. As the panic began to subside I looked at the mother and saw as the child in her arms began to tug at her shirt. Before I could even think to look away pop! it was done. There I was staring at the ground. I think it's the first time in my life I had seen a real boob. The father realized that I was basically having a panic attack and started laughing, and I just stayed with my eyes fixed on my shoes. What kind of people feed there children in front of two religious strangers!!!!!
As I walked down the mountain I just wanted to cry. I probably could have because you wouldn't have even been able to tell because of the sweat pouring down my face, but it was horrible. I couldn´t understand anything. My compañero is from Peru, and speaks about as good of English as Yoda, and I speak about as good as Spanish as Isabella my 2 1/2 year old niece. Its like there was the Great Wall of China between me and the planet these people were on. I know I fell asleep on the flight, but I'm fairly sure we weren´t teleported to another planet during the flight. At least they spoke English in OZ.
As we ate lunch (after the boob incident) I just sat there in total culture shock... however realize the word culture shock does not do it justice. It was more like a culture coma... I sat there eating my soup with mystery fruit, a piece of cow spine, and bananas (yeah bananas go in everything here, even meat soup) I just fought back tears. I thought of how I could pack my bags and if I knew enough Spanish or had enough lamperas (currency) to buy a ticket home. I just decided to suck it up for a little longer before my breakdown and go to the next house.
God bless the people of Honduras. Bless them for their kindness, for their humility, their patients, their huge hearts, their charity, their willingness to love God, and build his kingdom. The next lesson was nothing short of amazing. I received the gift of tongues as I bore my testimony to this family, the most beautiful family ever.
They were so patient with me and my terrible Spanish, they were nice and offered me food and drink and I wondered if they even had food for themselves. Sure it tasted like trash, and gave me violent stomach pains, but it was so incredibly kind of them. How can they wear such smiles with nothing but a small tin roof over head and a concrete and dirt floor? How can they be so nice, when life for them has been so hard?
Once I finally took the time to come out of my culture coma and see this place for what it really was, only then could I start to love it. I may not even love this place yet, but these people must be Gods people. Everyone one of them deserves the knowledge of the Gospel. Once I realized this everything changed. I went to church the next day and felt of there beautiful spirit. Sure they were wearing worn out flip flops and torn old jeans, but their spirit was like nothing I have ever felt before in a church. These people are so amazing. Once I started to devote myself to them a miracle happened. The river next to my house didn´t smell like sewage, my nightly bug bites didn´t hurt as bad, the houses weren´t so small, the water didn´t taste like dirt, their accents weren't intolerable, the fire works and gun shots that go off 24/7 weren´t as loud and making me jump, the stupid rooster that used to wake me up at 5:30 every morning I know sleep through, and Spanish is simply becoming easier. Sure I may be on a whole different planet but the spirit is here to, Gods here and so is his church. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to serve these people with all my heart, and if that means showering with a cold bucket shower every morning, and washing my own clothes on a washing board then so be it.
I love you all so much. I need your prayers especially for my Spanish, and our golden investigator Hermana Sara. She is waiting for an answer to her prays about baptism. (she reminds me of that tree on Pocahantas, so wise, so old, and the nicest lady ever)
This is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I know God can make it easy.
With all my love, Elder Scott Wayne Morris
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Quarantine and Good Bye MTC 10-26-09
I was only coughing and couldn't sleep, but they are so crazy here about that stuff so when I asked for a sleep aid they freaked and stuck me in quarantine! So lame... The reason it was so good was that I literally spent two whole days sitting in an empty bathtub with a towel as a pillow reading the Book of Mormon. I have read the whole book while in the MTC and quarantine was a blessing in disguise, because I got through over 300 pages! It was amazing.
So now I am done with the book, and did the challenge as Moroni directs. I have read the BOM before, however I have never personally performed the challenge. It's weird, because I know it's true, I'm just waiting for God to tell me it's true. It makes sense in my head, I know it's true, but now I want that same kind of belief engraved on my heart... so we will see how that goes.
So today is the day. At 8:30p.m. I leave for the airport, my flight leaves at 12:50 a.m., and after 3 lay overs by this time tomorrow I will be on my mission serving the Lord in the place he called me. Its crazy to think that the MTC actually ends, but here we are. My bags are packed and I'm physically ready to go. I'm really scared. But every time I feel fear it's instantly replaced by faith. I may not realize that I can do something this hard, but God does. He has faith in me, so I need to have enough faith in him to be able to be a successful missionary for him. I will need all the help and prays I can get for this first month because I heard that it's "all hell breaks lose" month. So gift of tongues, protection, and patients will be a must have!!! I have faith, sure I'm nervous, but with faith I know I can conquer. Next time I'll be writing from Honduras. I had no idea a Mission would be this hard. It is seriously death at times, but no one ever told me it would be this amazing. The joy this work brings into my whole soul is incredible.
With all my love,
Elder Scott Wayne Morris
So now I am done with the book, and did the challenge as Moroni directs. I have read the BOM before, however I have never personally performed the challenge. It's weird, because I know it's true, I'm just waiting for God to tell me it's true. It makes sense in my head, I know it's true, but now I want that same kind of belief engraved on my heart... so we will see how that goes.
So today is the day. At 8:30p.m. I leave for the airport, my flight leaves at 12:50 a.m., and after 3 lay overs by this time tomorrow I will be on my mission serving the Lord in the place he called me. Its crazy to think that the MTC actually ends, but here we are. My bags are packed and I'm physically ready to go. I'm really scared. But every time I feel fear it's instantly replaced by faith. I may not realize that I can do something this hard, but God does. He has faith in me, so I need to have enough faith in him to be able to be a successful missionary for him. I will need all the help and prays I can get for this first month because I heard that it's "all hell breaks lose" month. So gift of tongues, protection, and patients will be a must have!!! I have faith, sure I'm nervous, but with faith I know I can conquer. Next time I'll be writing from Honduras. I had no idea a Mission would be this hard. It is seriously death at times, but no one ever told me it would be this amazing. The joy this work brings into my whole soul is incredible.
With all my love,
Elder Scott Wayne Morris
Monday, October 12, 2009
The Native 10-12-09
Once upon a time there was an Elder (me). When he first came to the MTC he was the worst in his class at Spanish, and his teachers marveled at his basic lack of language skills. This Elder quickly learned to humble himself and pray with all of his heart might mind and strength for the gift of tongues. Through his hard work devotion and faith he was able to sky rocket at Spanish. He quickly climbed the ladder and soon rested amongst the top three rungs in his class (major improvement). After teaching the first lesson totally in Spanish the Elder was feeling good. He had made it! He could express his feelings in Spanish, and portray the message of God to those who spoke another language. Things were good. However this Elder made a terrible mistake. His heart swelled with pride over HIS accomplishment and HIS achievements. He received a nick name the "native" for his latino-esq features and his Spanish skills.
Just as in times of old the Lord will have a humble people. We can choose to be humble and thank the Lord for our achievements, or we can be compelled to humble ourselves before the Lord and come crawling to him begging for forgiveness. Through my actions and pride, I chose the latter course.
Two days after rocking leccion uno (lesson one) in Spanish we were to teach it again. When we showed up to our appointment we were shocked to see an Elder in the room. I don't remember his name but this Elder was from Lima Peru, a native Spanish speaker. I heard of the dreaded Spanish teaching appointments with the natives. The machine gun Spanish can destroy even the greatest of Spanish speakers in the MTC. However I felt in my head I was prepared for what a native could throw at us and walked into the room with a high head and proud heart.
From the second word (which I had no idea what it meant) I realized I was doomed. His machine gun Spanish was not only fast, but like a whisper. His timid voice combined with the fast words was a nightmare. Here is how it would basically go:
I would ask a simple question in Spanish
He would then stare at me having no idea what I just said cause of my bad conjugating and thick American accent.
I would then struggle, re-phrase and re-conjugate.
The puzzled look on his face would slightly diminish and then he would then reply in a fast whisper
I would ask "repeato por favor" he would again respond
My comp and I would look at each other and mouth things like "I have no idea" or "what the crap"
We would then say "otro ves" (one more time)and even softer he would respond.
I had never been so frustrated in my life. My eyes began to swell with tears as I looked at the disaster of a lesson. We just sat there in silence staring at each other. My mind was taken away of thoughts of how if I just ran out the door there is no way my teacher could catch me, and if I made it to the dorms she is a female, and therefore could not come in after me.
Once the native saw my eyes were welling up with frustration he tried to be nice and talk to us in English. However his English was just as bad as our Spanish... So we just laughed. I have sobbed, and have laughed at the situation feeling so defeated, so useless, and a failure of a missionary.
It was two days later I would receive a letter from Elder Blake which saved my soul from the depressing pits of hell. He had enclosed a story about a man who saw a new missionary leaving and a missionary coming home. And how you could see how hard the missionary coming home had worked.
I resolved that I would be able to look at my mission as something I did with my all. I humbled myself. Tearfully prayed for help and since then have been doing so good.
I know things will be hard, and I know situations will come that I will not know what to say and do in my head. But I know if I am humble and working hard and willing to listen the Lord can put the words into my heart. I have been called to repentance by the Lord, but I am grateful.
I know the situation may seem lame, but it was something that was definitely hard to endure. Spanish has been such a humbling experience, but I know the Lord needs me to learn this language for a reason, so I will put my whole heart into it. I know I will fall short, but that’s why I am so grateful for an atonement that can make up for all of my natural man like faults.
I love you all so much and pray for you always.
Just as in times of old the Lord will have a humble people. We can choose to be humble and thank the Lord for our achievements, or we can be compelled to humble ourselves before the Lord and come crawling to him begging for forgiveness. Through my actions and pride, I chose the latter course.
Two days after rocking leccion uno (lesson one) in Spanish we were to teach it again. When we showed up to our appointment we were shocked to see an Elder in the room. I don't remember his name but this Elder was from Lima Peru, a native Spanish speaker. I heard of the dreaded Spanish teaching appointments with the natives. The machine gun Spanish can destroy even the greatest of Spanish speakers in the MTC. However I felt in my head I was prepared for what a native could throw at us and walked into the room with a high head and proud heart.
From the second word (which I had no idea what it meant) I realized I was doomed. His machine gun Spanish was not only fast, but like a whisper. His timid voice combined with the fast words was a nightmare. Here is how it would basically go:
I would ask a simple question in Spanish
He would then stare at me having no idea what I just said cause of my bad conjugating and thick American accent.
I would then struggle, re-phrase and re-conjugate.
The puzzled look on his face would slightly diminish and then he would then reply in a fast whisper
I would ask "repeato por favor" he would again respond
My comp and I would look at each other and mouth things like "I have no idea" or "what the crap"
We would then say "otro ves" (one more time)and even softer he would respond.
I had never been so frustrated in my life. My eyes began to swell with tears as I looked at the disaster of a lesson. We just sat there in silence staring at each other. My mind was taken away of thoughts of how if I just ran out the door there is no way my teacher could catch me, and if I made it to the dorms she is a female, and therefore could not come in after me.
Once the native saw my eyes were welling up with frustration he tried to be nice and talk to us in English. However his English was just as bad as our Spanish... So we just laughed. I have sobbed, and have laughed at the situation feeling so defeated, so useless, and a failure of a missionary.
It was two days later I would receive a letter from Elder Blake which saved my soul from the depressing pits of hell. He had enclosed a story about a man who saw a new missionary leaving and a missionary coming home. And how you could see how hard the missionary coming home had worked.
I resolved that I would be able to look at my mission as something I did with my all. I humbled myself. Tearfully prayed for help and since then have been doing so good.
I know things will be hard, and I know situations will come that I will not know what to say and do in my head. But I know if I am humble and working hard and willing to listen the Lord can put the words into my heart. I have been called to repentance by the Lord, but I am grateful.
I know the situation may seem lame, but it was something that was definitely hard to endure. Spanish has been such a humbling experience, but I know the Lord needs me to learn this language for a reason, so I will put my whole heart into it. I know I will fall short, but that’s why I am so grateful for an atonement that can make up for all of my natural man like faults.
I love you all so much and pray for you always.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Side Effects of MTC Food 9-28-09
So anyway, life in MTC remains just that. Wake up crazy early and shower get ready, bagels for breakfast, class, gym (volleyball), lunch (first plate for food, second plate to eat my feelings), class dinner (first plate for hunger, second plate for feelings, third plate for Spanish frustrations!). The food like substance here is really different from any other food like product out there. Side affects of MTC food include:
1. A 200% increase in gas
2. Incredible regular "bathroom" times (no joke we have times to go to the bathroom accurately scheduled into our daily planners)
3. A rapidly expanding waste line (11 pounds and counting)
4. Extreme mood swings (depending on quality of food)
5. Spontaneous breakdowns (depending the size of food lines)
6. Upset stomach
7. An increased respect for the Word of Wisdom and how not following it in the MTC cafeteria can literally destroy your body.
So as my heart continues to become cushioned in a pillow of cholesterol and fat, my spirit continues to grow! The things you feel in the MTC are truly amazing! the spirit here is just so strong all the time. So as for mission miracles, Spanish is coming along great! Everyday I am doing better and better and I am quickly rising in the language. To take my Spanish to the next level tomorrow I have planned a 24 hour English fast! So we will see how my broken Spanish can get me through a whole day here.
Also a minor miracle was my oral surgery. I went and got the flap under my tongue clipped (I was tongue tied) so I could use my tongue in speakeing Spanish better. I really felt like that was holding me back. I was way worried about the recover so my Comp gave me an amazing blessing and it was truly a miracle. I was talking a ton that day with no pain meds. It was amazing how quickly it healed and how much better I was able to do in Spanish. A real testimony builder for me.
Gosh I'm sorry I have nothing to say. Reporting on someones time at the MTC is like a newspaper article about a local event in the Spectrum. Its terribly boring, and no one really cares, but you write about it anyways... So send me some questions about things you want to know and I will make sure to answer them. but as far as news goes, the MTC leaves me little to report. God Bless, Elder Morris
1. A 200% increase in gas
2. Incredible regular "bathroom" times (no joke we have times to go to the bathroom accurately scheduled into our daily planners)
3. A rapidly expanding waste line (11 pounds and counting)
4. Extreme mood swings (depending on quality of food)
5. Spontaneous breakdowns (depending the size of food lines)
6. Upset stomach
7. An increased respect for the Word of Wisdom and how not following it in the MTC cafeteria can literally destroy your body.
So as my heart continues to become cushioned in a pillow of cholesterol and fat, my spirit continues to grow! The things you feel in the MTC are truly amazing! the spirit here is just so strong all the time. So as for mission miracles, Spanish is coming along great! Everyday I am doing better and better and I am quickly rising in the language. To take my Spanish to the next level tomorrow I have planned a 24 hour English fast! So we will see how my broken Spanish can get me through a whole day here.
Also a minor miracle was my oral surgery. I went and got the flap under my tongue clipped (I was tongue tied) so I could use my tongue in speakeing Spanish better. I really felt like that was holding me back. I was way worried about the recover so my Comp gave me an amazing blessing and it was truly a miracle. I was talking a ton that day with no pain meds. It was amazing how quickly it healed and how much better I was able to do in Spanish. A real testimony builder for me.
Gosh I'm sorry I have nothing to say. Reporting on someones time at the MTC is like a newspaper article about a local event in the Spectrum. Its terribly boring, and no one really cares, but you write about it anyways... So send me some questions about things you want to know and I will make sure to answer them. but as far as news goes, the MTC leaves me little to report. God Bless, Elder Morris
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